Green green paddy field

Green green paddy field

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Nutcase Ramblings

Feeling absolutely like shit. Cant concentrate on anything, except mayb moping and be depressed. Sucking on this HOneyStix that Yshin bought from Singapore and left at my hse. Tastes like shit too..hahah...Its better if its just honey, but they mixed it with other flavours like plum and peach. Don't buy it even though it sounds delish, honeybabeh. Tat's why he left the whole packet in my ex hse. Huh.

Tis post doesnt intend to make any sense, only meant to be therapeutic to me and me alone. So if u're confused later, don't blame me..

Well, tis is aredi October 2008. Why does life has to be such a bitch and throw more and more challenges to our faces when we get older? Sure, c'est la vie, but does it have to be like tat?? Can't things just get simpler once in a while??? Like, I've read all these articles in National geographic and reader's digest and these ppl who were interviewed were always saying "From that moment i held the baby elephant's feet/touch the horse's placenta/dig up corpses(mummies/corpses the same la) in the Valley of the Corpses (sori, Kings)/ saw her face in the crowd, I KNEW IT!

I wanna be a podiatrist (foot doctor, i googled it so u dont have to)/horse midwife/undertaker/stalker. " And they went on to say how much joy their job gave them, how they're goin to do it for the rest of their life, nothing else they wan..You get the picture..

Why cant I have tat?? Why cant I be sure of my true calling in life? Why all the searchings of the soul, the doubts, the insecurities, the fears, the moments of near truths and never full truths. Are all these needed? A wise man told me that without all the bitterness in life, we wouldnt know the sweetness. And i told him I KNOW all the sweetness, I really can do without all the bitterness. We all drink WONG LOU KAT even though its bitter ONLY because its good to our bodies, not because we need the bitter to tell us that chrysanthemum tea taste sweet. NOw, now, dont tell me that the challenges are like wong lou kat, we have them because they're good to us. In wat sense? So tat i;ll be tougher? Be more mature? Be more wise? Then everyone should spend a year in prison or sleep on the streets then everyone will be the model citizen. NO, the truth is ppl get broken down, gets disappointed, lost their sense of purpose because life dealt to them blow after blow...

Okay, now u'll say tat i'm not a prisoner, nor am i a homeless person, i have much to be thankful about, I should say my blessings every single day, and I AM thankful, I AM blessed with certain things, does that mean I cant show my vulnerability? I cant mope? I can't bitch about the bitchiness of life?

Sigh...much ado about nothing, really, coz tis time tomorrow I'll still go to work, trying to please bosses and clients while trying to be friendly to coworkers, I'll still be another worker ant trying not to get squashed, I'll still be yearning for a simpler life, I'll still be wishing I have Keeley Hazell's body (although I doubt I'll have a simple life if I have her body), I'll still be yakking with Annie on msn whenever we can snake, I'll still be silly and immature and watch Entourage with Yshin, I'll still be giving all sorts of wrong (Petronas was just by the mosque near KLCC right??Remember the taxis lining up for NGV previously?) directions to people and I'll still love those who are dear to me...I lap u!! :-)

I've finished the honeystix and am now munching on wasabi peas instead..Whoa,,,HELPPP...I CANT BREATH!!

Oh wait, that was just wasabi attacking my nose..See, still silly...bitterness (or wasabi) can't eradicate my silliness..So all in all, i'll rather do without more bitterness, thankyouverymuch. U cant suffocate me, wasabi!


Terra Shield said...

I think I kind of get the point you're trying to get across. People say you should be thankful for what you have, but it's not always fair. We might have some things going for us - but there are other things we may want as well...

See, when I complain about my job and how I can't even take leave to go for cuti-cuti Malaysia or cuti-cuti non- Malaysia, older relatives always say be thankful you've got a job because many don't. I see their point, but I still think we need to vent to make ourselves feel better. Right?

Denise said...

yes anusha, you're right, we do need to vent, and in my case, whining and complaining and be depressed too. However, altho it sounds like i was ranting bout my job, actually it was so much more. there are uncertain things in my life right now and i feel like i'm not strong enough to face em. But today's i'm in a better mood already.:) a belated happy diwali and happy halloween to you, dear girl..

Adeline said...

sure understand how you feel girl... i feel the same way once in a while... esp. with my job. :((

Denise said...

i guess ppl wont really be satisfied wit things they have..coz i wouldnt mind trading mine for urs, girl! hahaha...grass is always greener the other side of the fence...heck, u even have obama as ur president!